Thursday, May 6, 2010

Who Let the Dogs Out?...Literally!

Wow...if someone would tell me that I would have the same kind of day today as I did yesterday...I would have told them they were off their rocker!  But sure enough, I get home, have to go do some shopping and no sooner do I get home with Dani that the sarcasim and talking back and raising her voice at me starts all over again.  But this time I had a witness.  After I got tired of listening to Dani and sent her to her room, my oldest daughter and my granddaughters came over for a short visit.  And while Brenna and I were talking, Dani shows her herself in her door way and starts barking at me.  I asked Brenna if she heard that and the only thing she could says was "wow". here is my true confession and I may go to hell for saying this let alone contemplating it.  School is out in a few weeks (Lord have mercy) and June 18th-22nd, Dani is going to California while my husband and I take our annual anniversary trip.  But here is where the confession comes into play...I want to send her away for the summer, literally!  I am at my wits ends, my marriage is in the toilet, my self esteem is literally not there, no energy, my fibromyalgia hits me harder, faster and longer.  I definately don't get the sleep that my mind body and soul needs.  I've been asked several times through out the years if I had know I would go through this, would I still bring that baby home, and my answer is always "YES".  But at this moment I am second guessing it.  So, does this make me a bad mom?  I have always taught my parents in our classes that it is okay to be angry, sometimes even hate your child  (the behaviors) but it is hard for me to take my own medicine.

So when I titled this post as "Who let the dogs out?"  All I feel like is we bark at each other and get no where.  Just a vicious cycle, over and over and over again!  It just chaps my hide when Dani gets mad at me, goes to her room then within 30 minutes, like clock work, she comes out saying she is sorry, but 30 minutes isn't enough time for me to wind down and think it through.  Oh well...

1 comment:

Rose Adoption Journey said...

Find a place for her to go this summer. You are actually being a good mom for doing that. You are taking care of yourselves. Dont feel guilty. We are contemplating that for our older son.