Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I'm sitting on my recliner this evening, reading my blogs and Dani gets a phone call on her cell and I can hear the conversation because it's so loud. Some girl and guy is asking my daughter about "straight shots". I kept asking her who was it, Dani was getting flustered because she couldn't answer the question or she was embarrased to answer or she actually knew what the answer was but was afraid to answer in front of me. So I took the phone and asked who it was and it was one of her friends from school and her brother. They wanted to know what a "straight shot" was and they thought Dani knew. I told them that Dani has no reason to know what that is and I would appreciate them calling and asking these questions. If they have those kinds of questions ask their parents, not my daughter. After that conversation, my daughter felt more relaxed. Peer pressure is harder and harder for these kids, unlike it was when I was in school....so many decades ago. We all need to be 'Office Mom" every once in a while for these kids...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
As an update from my blog post before this, in regards to the missing hair straightner...well, this morning she came out of her room and asked me "Mom, are you sure you don't know what happened to my straightner?". The first thing out of my mouth was a rapid "No"! The look on her face was enough to make a grown woman cry because the look was of...confusion. So, I told her "Honey, I have it, I've always had it. Now you know what it feels like when I have things missing and I can't find them and I know that you have it but you lie about it. I did the same thing honey, I took something and lied about it. Do you understand a little?" At first I thought I was going to have a fight on my hands because the look on her face was one of rebellion, but within seconds it changed to remorse. Actual remorse. I think somewhere in there it struck a chord. She may not remember the moment or the feeling tomorrow or the next day, and it may be a part that we keep playing in a repeating role, and that's okay, but I will remember that teaching moment for along time.
Friday, January 22, 2010
There was a post a few days ago, on my blog, that I was voicing my frustration with my daughter taking my personal things. Well, last night before I went to bed, I went into her room, while she was sleeping and took her favorite necklace, and her nail polish and put them in my room. Then this morning, as she was in the kitchen, I put her hair straightner in a towel and took it to my bedroom. She didn't see me or suspect anything. I was thinking I had the answer to teaching her a great and important lesson. As I locked my bedroom door and bid my good-byes to her so I could get on the way to work, I was snickering to myself as I thought of my great and devious plan. About 15 minutes after I left, I got a phone call from her asking if I had seen her necklace and her hair straightner. In the most pleasant and honest voice I could muster (without laughing of course) I told her "No honey...I don't go into your room". There was some frustration in her voice and I thought "Ah, Hah, she is finally going to understand how I feel". I went through my work day as usual and as I was on my way home I was preparing myself for a very frustrated young lady to gang up on me as I walked through the door. BOY WAS I WRONG! Not a word, no frustration no nothing. The night went on as usual. So...who has egg on her face now? Me...just shows me how the brain really works for a child with FASD. Lesson learned for me...
Here is a question for anyone to answer because I certainly don't know. I am very tolerant with a lot of the behaviors of FASD but it doesn't mean I don't get extremely FRUSTRATED! So here is the question...Why is it that a child/teen feels that any mom's property, things are hers? I have to put almost everything of mine into my room, behind locked doors. This morning I found my camera missing and yes, just as I thought, it was in her room. Of course she can't give any reasoning why she does it but none the less, it's frustrating. So, if anyone out there is going through this and has some suggestions, reasoning, please help me to understand.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I know the past few blog entries have been about how great things are, how she is progressing, etc. But here are some realities I need to face...she is 15 years old right now. I have three years before she becomes 18, where her medical care, legally, is out of my hands. Then there is the question about a job, will she be able to sustain her own life, what about SSI (which right now I was told she doesn't qualify because of what my husband and I make). I know there are other programs out there that I need to apply for now, start the ball rolling because these next three years are going to go by fast. Then there is the question about driving. Her doctor says now because of her poor judgement/reactions/etc, she is okay with this. In fact she says she is glad she isn't going to drive, she won't have to worry about a huge car payment or an insurance payment. Then how about living alone? My husband and I have thought long and hard about this one. We want to have a home to where there is a mother-in-law apartment in the basement, that way she can feel independent but still be close to home. I don't know...so you see, there is so much to think about even after the child comes home from the hospital. And the list of concerns, worries and questions continue to grow. So, if anyone has any ideas or suggestions, I am all ears!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Two years ago, when Danielle was in the State Hospital, she went through extensive testings, neurological, school testings, etc. What they found out was she has visual spatial disorder. She doesn't see things like I do or anyone else. Her counselor at that time suggested a Wii because of the depth perception the games offer. This would help with her balance and believe it or not, her concentration. So I bought the new Mario Brothers to go with the Wii and I am amazed at her coordination, her concentration, her focus when play. It's like she is in a different world and being a different person. But...just because we have this in our home now, doesn't give her free reign to constantly play. This is a privledge and she has to earn it by doing her chores, keeping up her room and not fighting with me. I will keep you posted on how that goes...time will tell!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Have you ever wondered when the world comes to an end for a teenager? Not just any teenager but a teenager who battles her own demons of self-esteem, peer pressures, trying to find her own place in this world. I discovered it tonight! Take her make-up away!!! I caughter her in a HUGE lie this evening and she lost some major privledges and you would have thought I had physically hit her. We were at my daughters house and I told her we were leaving and she said "I'm not going anywhere with you". "Fine" I said, "walk home". She took off. I gave her a few minutes to calm down, got in my car, found her and told her to get in the car. When we got home we had a confrontation...long story short, she told me "go to hell". Lesson one...don't take it personally...lesson two...don't loose my cool...lesson three..."say goodnight Dani before I say something I will regret". Okay, I made it through this one, no worse for wear but all will be okay with the world tomorrow...I hope!
Friday, January 8, 2010
There are so many days, weeks, months that events happen, over and over, like a wave that keeps pounding our bodies while we are screaming for air. And it comes in cycles, but we never know when the cycle begins and when it will end. One day she is the best kid in town, can't do anything wrong, has gone the extra mile in her chores...like a halo is hanging over her head. Okay, that's sitting in the lagoon enjoying the soft waves and sunshine. Then, without warning, we go from an angel to satan himself. I can actually say I am worn out, emotionally, physically and spiritually! The ups and downs can take it's toll after awhile. I don't know what is worse, the lying or stealing. I am not saying she is down out stealing from others or stores because she isn't. But she steals from me. Not anyone else but me! Can't figure that one out. Just when I think I have it all together, it all unravels. I am so thankful for a husband who lets me unwind with him when he is home. That I can voice my frustrations, anger, shed a few tears and he even lets me sleep in...that feels good. Right now we are in the storm, now I have to patient for the sun to come out.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
This morning was the first Sunday of the year that our church times switched to 9am. Which means we have to get up between 6-7am. Normally the rule is if we have to get up early we got to bed earlier the night before, Dani needs about 12 hours, literally! Well, we decided to go see "Avatar" (for the second time) with our next door neighbors last night, got home about 10pm, got to bed. When the alarm went off, I was up but Dani...Oh No! She wouldn't budge, wouldn't even flinch when I tore off her blankets, pulled on her pants, etc. I had to threaten to take away her radio, tv and MP3 player...for two months, to get her out of bed. But she did, she was a little slow but success, she got up and we made it to church on time!