Technical Difficulties!

HELP!  Somehow, someway, I lost my background and I am not able to put another one on.  I've tried everything so please bear with me and my format.  I am not a big fan of this one but until I figure this out...here I am.

Down Memory Lane...

After my last post I decided to look at some old photos stored on my hard-drive and found just a few of my favorites.

This photos i when her dad and I bought this little four-wheeler for her to help boost her confidence in something.  Her driving our big Polaris was fun and all but not very safe for her because of her lack of strength in her hands.  We nicked-named this little machine "shortie".  And shortly after that, Dani received the honorary name of "Crash".  I think the name says it all!

The picture was taken on top of Ben Lomand Mountain up from Willard Bay, Utah.  This was one of Dani's weekend's home from the hospital. Went ATVing with my brother in law and his wife.  It was cold, rainy and windy and we took part in a rescue that didn't end good.  But Dani was a trooper through it all.

I especially love the last picture.  Dani has a love for horses.  She so wanted to learn to ride so her dad and I signed her up for lessons.  The look of joy on her face is something I haven't seen in a long time.  But alas...the next time she went riding, her horse, named "Red" stepped on her foot, scaring her from riding again.  But she still loves horses.  She has a great collection.

Taking a Deep Breath...

It's Friday...I would like to take a moment and say "Thank God"!  I am extremly blessed right now because Dani is at a school dance until about 9pm and I am sitting on my recliner, feet up, no TV or radio on, no noise but my dog snoring. And I am instant messaging back and forth with my wonderful daughter in Maryland.  This feels so good...I almost feel guilty.  Tomorrow is catch-up day.  Been so busy with work and Dani drama that I've neglected my home...and myself.  Laundry that needs to be folded, my own personal bed (this is embarrassing) I washed the sheets last weekend but haven't made the bed yet.  How tacky is that?  I just wish I could hire someone to come in and do a deep cleaning for me.  I use to be such a fanatic over a clean house, it was the way I was raised you see, but with raising three daughters then Dani arrived when my youngest was 8 yrs old, other priorities took over.  Then I deal with the "Bad Mommy, Bad Housewife" syndrome and then I say to myself..."OH WELL"!

Disgusted and Angry! Disclaimer...This is just my opinion!

I have to vent here just a little bit.  The more I hear about this so called mother, who adopted this boy from Russia, the more upset I get.  What kind of a society do we live in?  We have become so disposable, not just our food, garbage, marriages, well you get the picture...but all of a sudden our society is beginning to dispose of children!  Oh my goodness...little Johnny is having some behavioral problems, I think I'll just blame it on the country, even his birth parents, oh no better yet the people who let me adopt him.  I think all us parents who have adopted probably feel the same revulsion.  Adoption to me is no different than giving birth.  Even in adoption there are labor pains (to me it's the whole legal process) and then once the judge signs the paper...tah-dah...a child is born and a family is created! :)

When I took Danielle out of her birth mother's arms and announced that this child was mine now...I had no idea what was in store with this child, had no idea what was in her DNA grab-bag.  But it didn't matter I chose to be her mother.  Let me say that again, it's so profound..."I CHOSE TO BE HER MOM"! Whew that felt good...so enough of my ranting.  Hats off to all us adoptive parents who have stuck through the behavior problems, the mental illness, the disabilities, all the sleepless nights, the phone calls to the counselors, the doctor appointments, the constant worry about that child's future, etc...all because we believe we can make a difference in one or more child's life and shame on those people who think children with problems are disposable.

A Better World Today...

Today is a much better day.  I also figured out that Dani hasn't been getting the sleep she so desperately needs.  When she first arrived in our family, she didn't sleep.  Oh she would sleep for a couple of hours here and there but otherwise she would be wide awake, angry at the world.  Little did we know that she was suffering from withdrawls.  It all makes sense now.  So...my husband and I have to make sure she gets to bed on time so she can sleep at least 12hrs a night.  If it's less than 8...then we are in trouble.  So the past couple of nights I have made sure she has gotten to bed by 8pm, no later and surprisingly she is doing so much better.  There something to be said about sleep.  Now...if only I could get some restful sleep, then this would be such a happy household!  :)

Which brings me to another subject...summer!  The mere mention of the word brings terror in the hearts and souls of parents...especially in mine.  Since Dani is 15 there are no daycares that would accomodate her and her older sister just had her third daughter so I am not about to barge into her life with babysitting issues.  Yes, Dani can help with the kids but after while things can get stressful because Dani can be as loud and playful as a regular 6 year old.  So...here is my problem...I work full time (have to)...does anyone have any ideas on what to do with my teen during the summer months?  I am all ears!

A Commercial Break...

For those of you who read my blog's and wonder if this behavior is all normal...I have this to say...Yes!  Just right around when spring starts, and that is usually in March, a child/teen with FASD and who may have also secondary disorders to go along with it like Bipolar/ADHD etc, the behaviors become irratic.  Emotions run high (especially in girls who are maturing) tempers flare easily, you name it it happens.  And along with that it is the wind down of school...so everyone, and I mean everyone is all keyed up.  Which doesn't help the child/teen who is affected by these disorders.  So, if you are one of my readers, please don't turn and run the other way and think that my household is so dysfunctional, what the heck is this mother doing, etc.  I am normal, Dani is normal and this will all pan out real soon.  It always does.  By the time school is out and she can breath without the stress of being around so many kids, the pressures of work, etc...she will be fantastic and I will be able to breath easier.  Just know that my prayers and thoughts are out there with you all and if I could give one piece of advice to any parent who faces these challenges...please take care of yourself emotionally...physically...and spiritually.  Because without God's hand in your life and without the proper care, things are much harder.  Peace be with you all!

I Need A Time-Out...Again!

Whew!!! And I need to take a deep breath.  I don't know what is worse, having a headache that won't go away or dealing with an explosive teen.  After a good weekend...I knew it was too much for her.  We had a major melt-down tonight.  First I caught her in my room...again taking a couple of my rings after telling me to my face that she didn't.  But the worse part is...I was sitting in the livingroom and I heard her talking.  Thought maybe she was talking to herself.  Then I heard her say that she was working a double shift last Thursday and then a triple shift on Friday.  Then and there I felt her reality was a little off base.  So I went by her bedroom door and listened some more...she was talking to one of her friends and she started telling her that this guy she knows comes over after school to watch TV but they never get to the TV part.  Well, I am one of those mom's that has to work away from home so she is by herself for about an hour and a half before I get home.  I walked right into her room, took that phone away and told her she just lost her phone for a very long time.  That phone is for emergencies only.  Then she blew up, she started packing her bags, screaming at me that I don't love her that all I want to do is get rid of her that she hates my f(#)(#*&$ face and she is running away to her sisters in California.  Whoa...time out here.  Let's check reality...something is wrong and in talking with my husband tonight, it's always around this time of the year she looses it.  Stay tuned for more details.  We'll see if we make it through the night before the police are called or I take her up to the hospital.  This is the hardest part of being a parent to a child/teen with any kind of mental illness or emotional illness.