Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wow! I can't believe how long it's been since I updated this blog. Life sure has gotten away with me. So, let me catch you all up.
Danielle came home from the state hospital last October 08' and what a transformation she went through. I look at it as if she were in this cocoon and she came out this beautiful butterfly. She knew who she was, where she was coming from and where she is going. Once home, she started at a transitional school (Canyon View), to where she was full time, only small amount of kids her age, then she was transitioned into junior high by one class at a time. We are up to two classes in the afternoon, but that still has a way of stressing her out. We have discovered, by track record, that around February-March she starts getting worn out. Her Bipolar attributes come screaming out of her. By this time she had almost forgotten how to use her coping skills. I was feeling a little frantic on trying to help her remember but the more I tried, the more angry she got at me. We started back to counseling sessions and of course monthly visits with her psychiatrist. Her medications are good, she was on 4-5, now she is only on ONE! She doesn't hear the voices anymore, her self-esteem is up (fluctuates once in awhile, you know how girls are). She has tapped into her talents and skills. Danielle is a very creative young lady, not only does she draw and paint but I discovered she writes songs and poems.
Now she is at the age that I start worrying about her future. She is going to be 15 this year and I wonder what kind of quality of life she can have. I had a candid talk with her doctor today, she assured me that there are many programs, that once she hits 16-17, she can get involved with that will teach her survivial skills. She takes care of herself pretty well now and she does know how to cook, but it's the common sense things that worry me like how to catch a bus, how to get to your destination without getting lost, etc. As a mother, I want her to have a full life so she feels she doesn't always have to be with me.
There have been rough times since she has been home. Battle of wits between mom and daughter, chores, responsibilities, anger management, etc. There are times I have felt that she would have been better staying down at the hospital a little longer. You have no idea how often I have felt guilty over feeling that. But in a conversation with a friend of mine, who works with "Allies with Families", she said it is SO normal for a parent to feel that way and at times feel resentful. It's just that by the time I get home from working my full time job, I don't have the strength and energy to deal with the problems. I have my own health issues and I have a hard time taking care of myself. I have dedicated most of my time to Danielle and researching new things. But then I see the other side of her, she may be 14 but her disabilities have her marked at about a 12 year old, I see a little bit of Heaven in her. There is an innocence in her, that at times I don't see it because of my own problems.
But each day is progress, we can only go forward. We may fall back one step but she and I have a way of forgiving each other and going on. I know I have so much more to say, but its after midnight and I need some sleep. Love to you all!