Sunday, August 7, 2011

Where Have All The Good Times Gone?

Since my last post, Danielle has been placed in a proctor-home, not a foster home like we would think because I still have custody of her.  But this home is suppose to give her structure, rules, they are suppose to watch for her behavior that happens here at home, get her services and new evaluations (neuro)...well?  Not yet!  It's been close to 6 weeks and really nothing but a lot of frustration for mom!  At first she takes almost everything she owns, then wants me to bring more like her bike (which I said no) the right hand and the left hand don't know what is happening because within the first two weeks, no one knew about the special circumstances of Dani.  Talk about being frustrated.  Her foster mom (for lack of  better words for her title, which she is a very sweet and loving lady, couldn't ask for a better foster mom for Dani) didn't know that Dani could not be by herself so she sent her on a walk.  Dani doesn't have any sense of  direction, so I went driving around looking for her and getting more panicky because I could not find her.  Then I saw her coming back to the house, about a block away, pulled over and we had a conversation, she thought (her brain owie) Lucy said another thing, I was a little upset after I left because I had felt my daughters safety is being compromised. So I called the two heads of the foundation, left messages for her case manager, etc to arrange a meeting of the minds.  The meeting did happen and I was able to get things off my mind and there were reassurances, etc.

Well since that time, Dani doesn't like coming home because of the conflict between her dad and herself, she is not willing to own up to her part of the problem, like following our house rules, etc and I realize that it may be part of the FAS but where is the cut off, when is she suppose to take responsibility for something?  A couple of weeks ago, there was a major blow out with her dad, that on the way back to Salt Lake she was crying saying she had wished she never had a dad and that I shouldn't have remarried and it should be just her and me.  I was devasted, not knowing what to say...then we get down to the dance studio where I am to drop her off at, she immediately leaves the car, no backward glance, walks into the studio and gives Lucy a hug and continues her night with her new big family, leaving me at the door with my mouth wide open and tears getting ready to spill.  Lucy had to remind Dani to give me a hug.  On the way home I cried, balled my eyes out, thinking and feeling I had just lost my daughter.  She feels save in that big Tongan family, not safe within her own family.  I am still reeling over that, the feelings of loss are extreme.    There is just so much more that has happened that it still makes me cry so at this time I won't go into it.  Maybe my next post.

She came home this weekend for her eye appointment, new glasses and it was the same thing taking her back.  I can't help feel regret, where has the time gone, my time with her on a daily basis is probably over, what good have I done for her over the 16 years, why the problems now, I still tear up, even when I am typing this paragraph. 
This coming week, we do have an appointment up at the University of Utah to see one of the top genetic doctors in the nation to get a genetic workup on Dani.  I can't wait to hear what that report turns out.

On a positive note, Dani did go to Girls Camp.  She had a wonderful time, took on leadership roles, was a positive influence on the younger girls in her group, I was very proud of her.  One of the visitors and speakers was this young lady named Hannah.  She has multiple disabilities as you can see in the picture, but what an inspiration to not only me but to Dani.  Dani cried finally feeling and realizing that she wasn't alone with her disabilities.  I was grateful for that young lady and the inspiration she gave.

The picture above was the afternoon we dropped Dani off at her new home and the second picture is of her and Hannah!

Well to sum things up....I told the high powers of  being in this group that Dani is not to come home until we start some kind of family therapy.  I was told we couldn't necessary do that because that is part of the wrap-around program after she comes home.  My response was that something has to be done so that both Dani and my husband feel safe and somewhat secure in their father/daughter relationship and that I don't go bonkers.  The post-adoption specialist suggested/recommended that I get a hold of the FAS Network, which I have been involved with for years, but my husband hasn't.  The education will do him good because of Dani's brain owie (don't know how to spell that word, sorry).  I've already made contact, we will see, more details to come!  Stay Tuned...

1 comment:

GB's Mom said...

These are the hardest years. You are a survivor {{{Hugs}}}