This has got to be one of my favorite pictures when it comes to relationships. These two starfish says it all, and we each an have our own interpretations. But how far from the truth can a couple be. In my past blog posts I have talked a lot of the problems of Danielle, Danielle and her dad, Danielle and I, but not much on my relationship with my husband...and I say "what relationship"? I just don't get it...and because I don't get it I feel like an emotional mess.I have to ask for forgiveness before I continue because I am probably going to ramble and talk in circles because I am so mixed up, lonely, tired, have that strong urge to run away and never come back...I am sure you all have felt that one time or another. I am there right now and I didn't know how much until one of my daughters came out for a visit this week. Everything was fine until my husband came home from the road and all we do is argue. I am tired of this life and how it is playing out! I don't remember signing up for this life, I don't remember getting married to be alone, I don't remember signing up for a life that all I do is work my butt off during the day, go to meetings, doctor appointments, counseling appointments, IEP's, etc. I don't remember signing up to marry a man who when he's home, he sits in front of the TV and when I get home, doesn't have the strength to do anything with me (even if it's taking a small walk). I don't remember signing up to be so worn out to where I feel I don't have anything left for myself. In my conversation with my daughter, she and her husband have worked it out so well that I actually was thinking today that I needed to see my own shrink, my own counselor. That maybe I am the one that is crazy, not Danielle, but me. I can't keep my thoughts straight, what is my reality? It was pretty ironic though, in a small conversation with my oldest daughter, I told her that I was thinking about getting some counseling and she and my other daughter had talked thinking that counseling would be good for me since I don't have anyone I can really talk to about my life, about what is going on in my heart and soul. It's pretty lonely...that is why I blog, maybe someone who reads my blog feels the same bewilderment, loneliness, etc.
So...where do I go from here? Who do I contact...a counselor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I don't believe I need medication so maybe just someone to talk to, which would be a counselor. There are so many times I feel my life is one big abyss and I am hanging onto the ledge, just waiting for someone to throw me a rope...but alas, no rope comes.
I apologize if this sounds depressing, I am not, just confused. Does anyone else ever experience this and how have you handled it? Please let me know...someone throw me a rope!
1 comment:
Speaking as someone without kids, but who has experience with therapy, counselors, and psychiatrists.
Since you don't need medication (right now), I would go with either a counselor or a psychologist. As I am sure you already know, getting a good mental health professional is a hit-and-miss situation. In my experience, psychiatrists haven't been as good in getting to the base of a non-psychiatric problem, but your experience may be completely different.
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