Usual Venting...Got to Get it Off my Chest!

Why is it so hard for men, not all men, to understand a child/teen's disabilities, problems, stressors, etc.  Why do some men feel it is okay to constantly put down and let that child/teen know there faults and try to hold them to higher standards when they themselfs can't do it?  We all know, as parents to these special kids, that we can not hold these kids to the normal standards/rules, whatever we want to call them as an adult or a kid without these challenges. My husband for one is famous for making sure Danielle knows what she has done wrong, drills it into her to the point of her being in tears and saying things like "maybe it's better that I am not here"!  What kind of man would drive his daughter to say something like that?  When we have had doctors, psychologists/psychiatrists, counselors tell us both...that being a parent to a child with FASD is a challenge and to throw those damn parenting books out the window.  I understand it, I even teach this to other parents but he just doesn't get it.  So now, I am where several mothers are at this point in time...what do I do?  What do I do?