The Hard Days Sometimes Out Weighs the Good Days!

I have to be realistic here...even though my last few entries have been nothing but praise for the progress my daughter has made, for all the alcolades I can lavish on her...there are going to be those days where she is totally off her rocker...unreasonable...has a hard time focusing on reality...that was today. It started out good, even in the evening. I had come home from visiting some friends and discovered her chores were not complete when she had told me they were. Mainly the trash in the bathroom. She argued that it was emptied yesterday and someone used a lot of toilet paper today (when there is no one home during the day but our dog)but her voice started to rise, she started to get sarcastic and I am trying to keep my cool. Boy...thats hard to do. Danielle has a tendency to worry about what is going to happen in the future and worry about the past but not focusing on the present. When she gets stuck in this area it is hard for her to come out. Then it turns into a pity party and how I don't hear or listen to her and what kind of family we should, and tears, did I mention there were tears? Lots of them...very emotional. I just have to sit here and listen to her, that's it, just listen, even though she may repeat herself over and over, she has to get it out so she can go on. Right now, she is in the kitchen making us something to eat and things will be okay. It's extremely emotionally draining, things will be fine until the next melt down. The most important thing I have found to try and relate to her and teach her is "You made a mistake, learn from it, pay the consequence and go on. Tomorrow is a brand new day, a clean slate, nothing is written on it so make it the best you can. Yes you will slip and fall but pick yourself up and go!"

It Was Hair Day!

Today I took Danielle down to an ethnic salon in Salt Lake called "Ebony and Ivory". I thought it was time to learn for myself and have her learn how to take care of her hair. Being a white woman I had no idea what I was doing and I sure learned a lot. The process was interesting and I discovered I was doing a lot of things wrong. But Norma took us step by step on what to do. In a couple of weeks we are going back to have it relaxed. But I think she looks beautiful. Her smile says it all about how she feels about herself. With kids like her, well with any child, self esteem is so important. With kids that have disabilities, their self esteem is affected so much more because they already have bad feelings about themselfs. Feelings of inadequacy, they look differet, etc. But in looking at Danielle, she looks like that is all washed away. Money well spent.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Make a Smilebox postcard

First Day of School!

Well we did it...we got past the first day of school...and success!!! I think I was more of a nervous wreck than she was. I had to leave for work before she was even ready so of course I worried if she was timing things right with her shower, getting dressed, eating breakfast. But smart mom here (being sarcastic) forgot to turn her cell phone on so I couldn't get a hold of her which made me worry more on my way to work. But as soon as I got to my desk, Danielle called and said everything was fine and she was ready. And the amazing thing is, she was. She did it, without mom, without mom fretting, without mom pushing her. She figured out. I am so proud of her! In talking with her during dinner, she had a great day, it was just going through rules and expectations in each class. No homework yet but we have started the new schedule at home. And here it is after 7pm and she is doing great. I know there will be those days when things aren't going so smoothly and I am expecting that but at least she is trying...in spite of her nervous mom! :)

When is it Enough?

As a general question...when is it enough? The word "enough" could mean anything, but for me "enough" means my limits. How and when can I say "enough" because I am at my breaking point. I have to admit though that this summer with Danielle home has been wonderful. No worries about hospital visits (even though we did have one and it was minor), but everything was workable. But there are those times where I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and swear, throw and real big adult tantrum because of the lack of respect that is shown to me as "mom". I can start out real calm in trying to teach Danielle some pointers to a cleaner kitchen but then she starts raising her voice, slamming kitchen cabinets and stomping around. My head starts pounding, I feel my blood pressure rising...then it's like Mt. Saint Helen's erupting. I just know that I need to send her to her room, which she refuses for a while, then she calms down, then goes to her room. There are so many times I want to throw in the towel and run away but when Dani calls me to read me a poem she wrote or a story, or how improved her reading is, then I move right back into my heart and soul. Like I said...it's an adult tantrum so somebody should put me in time out!

Spiritual Experiences!

In this land of the free, my family practices the religion of "Latter Day Saint" (Mormon) and tonight was our youth night, which we call Mutual. This is for girls ages 12-18. Tonight we all met in a loft over one of our friends garage to have a 24hr Read-A-Thon of the Book of Mormon. My little hyperative 14 year old daughter went prepared with a pillow, blanket and her scriptures. She is not the best reader or the best comprehender but I give her "A" for effort for trying and coming to that activity prepared and ready for a spiritual experience. I wish I could have stayed the night with her but I have to get up for work in the morning. But watching her try her hardest, she knew she was going slow, but she also knew it wasn't a race, I was deeply moved and humbled watching her. Wow...what an example she is to me! It was explained to me along time ago that because of Danielle's disabilities, she already has a seat in Heaven, it's up to her dad and I to get there with her.